


Crushing, Binding

by sadwyvern



Series: Gravity [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Earthborn (Mass Effect), M/M, Paragon Commander Shepard, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Trans Male Character, Vanguard (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 07:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10271855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadwyvern/pseuds/sadwyvern
Summary: Science tells him gravity exerts equal pressure over his entire body. Science never factored in his binder.





	

_i_. He steps out of the shower, and his eyes catch the mirror before he can stop himself. He freezes.

The swell of breasts, a flat stomach leading to the curve of child-birthing hips, thighs that fit like awkward puzzle pieces in jeans too long or too baggy for his tiny frame.

His face is just as feminine, with plump cheeks and soft lips, lashes too dark and too long to let him be anything other than “ma’am”. He hears his mother’s voice distantly, like a far-flung nightmare. _“People already see you as a boy. If I don't say you're a girl, they think you're a boy, so I'm struggling to see how being anymore a boy will really make you happier.”_

He’d tried so desperately to explain dysphoria to her, to make her understand that while people addressing him as Scott made him happy, he was still easily mistaken for female. That his wide hips and too high voice gave him away in a heartbeat. He can tell by the way she stops asking that she doesn’t believe him.

 

 _ii_. He’s learned to keep quiet, to stop correcting his father when he refers to him as “daughter” instead of “son”, as if he’d never come out, or hadn’t spent an entire day crying when his mother raided his room and stole his masculine clothing.

He stops watching transition blogs on the extranet, stops reading success stories of others like him, people with lives decided for them. He starts thinking of ways he can disappear, bartering for passage with a merchant, sneaking aboard a cargo ship, handing himself over to batarian pirates.

He doesn’t care where or how he ends up. He just doesn’t want to be buried in a dress.

He does get away, eventually. His parents take their required yearly vacation time and head to Earth, leaving their small, comfortable home on some hot nowhere planet behind for the big city. As they wander the streets, he wonders how easy it would be slip away, leave his old life behind and start anew. He’s only 16, still two years from being able to support himself financially, but that doesn’t stop him from turning down a secluded alley as his parents chat idly in front of him.

 

 _iii._ Scott Shepard found himself shifting anxiously in his uniform, brows furrowed in worry. The outfit itself was new and well-fit, and it’s cleanliness was a welcome comfort, especially to someone who’d spent 2 years of his life in the dirt and grime of city alleys. When closing his hand into a fist repeatedly failed to calm him down, he settled for crossing his arms, looking agitated. From beside him, Anderson cast him a sympathetic look.

“You’ll be fine. There are plenty of short men serving in the military.” He spoke up, laying a pacifying hand on his shoulder. Scott sighed, pulling away to pace the cramped C-Sec elevator.

“Does anyone else on the Normandy have to see the medic for shots? They’re going to know something’s up.”

Anderson crossed his own arms, watching the man make laps. “You’re psyching yourself up. If you don’t want to reveal anything, you don’t have to. They’re respectable men and women, they won’t push you.”

With that, the elevator jerked to a stop, doors sliding open behind him. As he turned, he was left in awe.

The ship attached to the docking bay wasn’t the biggest he’d ever seen, but he had to admit, she was a beauty. Between the sleek, streamlined frame and sharply contrasting palette, he was left breathless.

“Ready, Private?”

  
_iv_. Carefully keeping his eyes off Dr. Chakwas, he pushed the bottom of his shorts up, revealing his thigh. He heard the scrape of wheels against the floor as she rolled closer in her desk chair.

“Just take deep breaths.” She murmured soothingly. Scott huffed out a laugh.

“Kinda hard to keep calm when you keep reminding me, Doc.” He teased, glancing up from the floor to meet her clinical gaze.

As she opened her mouth to respond, she was cut off by the automatic doors on the far side of the medbay sliding open. Both raised their heads, seeing the figure of a man standing in the doorway. He was tall and broad, one hand clutching his temple in pain. Since he didn’t recognize the man, Scott figured the stranger to be one of the servicemen they’d picked up from the Citadel recently.

“This is the medbay, right?” His voice was slightly slurred. “Captain Anderson told me you might have something for migraines.”

Dr. Chakwas shot him a look, clearly asking “Do you mind?” He nodded without thinking, and she gently returned the syringe to the counter and peeled off her gloves. “Take a seat, I’ll see if I can find the proper dosage.”

He nodded from the doorway, making his way inside and seating himself on the cot across from Scott, sticking out a hand. “Kaidan Alenko,” He spoke. “I’m one of the new guys.”

“I figured, hadn’t seen you around the ship before.” Pausing, he realized he hadn’t given his name. “Scott Shepard.”

“What’re you in here for?” Kaidan asked conversationally, but Scott could see the curiosity in his eyes as they flickered towards the forgotten syringe. Scott shrugged.

“Just a checkup.”

 

 _v_. To say Scott Shepard was nervous would be an understatement. He’d tried to crack his knuckles no less than 15 times, had long stopped bouncing his right leg after doing so sent pain shooting up his calves, and Kaidan had swatted his hands away from healing bruises more than a few times. Restless, he leaned back in the uncomfortable hospital chair, fiddling with his phone mindlessly. Kaidan shot him a half-amused look from beside him.

“You’ll be alright, Scott.” He murmured soothingly, a warm hand capturing one of Scott’s much smaller ones.

“I know, I’m just… not looking forward to all the time I’ll have to sit in bed.”

Kaidan chuckled. “After everything that’s happened, I think you deserve a break.” With a gentle hand on his husband’s chin, he pulled Scott in for a kiss. As they broke apart, Scott huffed out a laugh.

“Someone tell the Council, they’re not done paying for my retirement.”

“Mr. Shepard?” A woman’s voice pulled the two men back to reality. As Scott made to stand, he was stopped as Kaidan grabbed his hand, pulling him back for one last kiss. Scott laughed, happiness bubbling up inside him.

“Maker, Kaidan, I’m not going away to war. Just getting some unnecessary pieces out of the picture."

“I know, I know.” He paused, and added in a quiet voice, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Kaidan.” Scott patted his husband’s hand and winked. “Soon, I’ll be able to show it.”

With that, he turned and followed the nurse, leaving a very flushed Kaidan alone in the waiting room.


End file.
